Best first message for online dating
It’s the formula to taking your online dating message game to a previously unimagined level. Or the conversation peters out after a few exchanges. And unless you’re an Adonis who runs a puppy rescue shelter, we’re all frustrated. It’s shallow, an incredible time suck, and it’s not delivering on its promise: algorithm-assisted matches that make dating efficient. I want to be up front: this isn’t about crafting the perfect profile.
Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? You’re on the apps, you’re grinding, and every so often you get a match. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. This is about what happens you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever.
A quick google search reveals a bias in the online-dating advice industry: it’s all about pictures, bios, and listicles of “the 10 unwritten rules of online dating.” This stuff is important. You need a fire profile and to understand the etiquette.
But here’s the thing: this advice is easy to give because it’s easy to implement.
Women have a different set of social and personal safety challenges than guys.
You need to understand that and use your messages to transmit signals that you are a respectful, responsible person who has healthy boundaries.
Using our travel example, mention the last place you went and why it was unexpected or amazing. If you struggle with humor, shyness, or generally aren’t likeable here are some ideas: This tip comes from the world of improv rule and boils down to: be 100% positive, keep the conversation moving, don’t argue.
If your response is, “I’m kinda boring,” consider this: Everyone – – is interesting. You might think it’s cute or show off your intelligence to get into a disagreement, but that comes with big risks.
Potentially double your response rate by being personal.Dig in to your experience, what you’re interested in and passionate about, and be generous with that. Your job is to establish rapport and common ground, not swing your big …brain.The guys here at Primer have, at different times, been in the New York, Los Angeles, and Denver dating scenes off and on for years. I’ll risk you breaking my nose trying boxing if you’re down for [your favorite local adventure/cocktail spot/etc.] If you’re thinking, “I don’t have time for that!Examine their bio and images for something specific that you have in common. Second, it invites your match to share something about themselves.
It can be anything, but it needs to be something you share – even just an interest in travel. Third, it gives you a topic to begin and expand into a real conversation. If their pictures or bio don’t give you anything to work with, move on. After you’ve suggested a shared interest, be generous with your personality, opinions, and passions. Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman has written about this in his excellent book Humor signals both intelligence and the ability to win others over, both traits highly desirable in a potential heavy petting partner.
This article is about the most important skill you can master in online dating that no one’s talking about: the message.